Monday, February 6, 2017

The Drama of Winning

There is nothing like the feeling of seeing your name listed on the scoreboard as sitting in first after dressage and having clear XC and stadium courses.   It is always a thrill to be called in first place in the lineup after a pleasure or equitation class.  I have been lucky to do well over the many years of showing and there is no denying that once you do well, you want to replicate that feeling again.

I am a true adult amateur, just bumbling along and trying to always do my best.  I don't hide the fact that I am NOT a professional.  I don't resort to big bits or gadgets though either, as I know that riding well and training a horse PROPERLY takes time.  I would rather take ten times longer than someone else (ok, let's be real, more like fifty times longer haha) and ride my horse in a snaffle than rush it along with a pelham bit in the show ring and draw reins for training rides.  I ride for the love of horses and the enjoyment I get out of having horses in my life.  No, not every ride is perfect and no, I do not ride at an upper level.  But that is not the point of horses to me, it is about the journey and my own enjoyment of seeing a horse I started from scratch move correctly and hold her own in competition.  I have always said If it isn't fun, I'm not doing it.  If I am miserable, why bother to continue with such an expensive and time-consuming hobby?

I remember a horse show "friend" years ago who always put herself down at shows, telling everyone within earshot how much she sucked, how bad she and her horse were going to do, etc. etc. etc. ad nauseam.  Sometimes she would even start days before the show on social media, writing statuses about how her horse deserved a better rider and she shouldn't even bother to show at all.

sigh

(Pro tip: Your horse just wants to hang out and eat grass, but yeah go ahead and believe he wants to go to the Olympics and is disappointed that he doesn't win every single blue ribbon in sight.)

I tried to be supportive and to always boost her confidence.  I gave pep-talk after pep-talk, exuding calmness to her at every show.  It was tiresome to say the least to listen to her whine.  After a while, it almost seemed as though she did it just so others would tell her how great she was and how wonderful she was going to be.  It was a strange way to dig for compliments, but hey, we are all different.  I don't need others to stroke my ego like that, but do your thing.  Admittedly, after awhile it became quite frustrating, especially as she began to do well in spite of herself and her poor attitude.  But I thought it was important to remain a good friend.  I even went so far as to help set up a statewide year end points system so she could have a way to feel good about her accomplishments and earn pretty year end ribbons.

She won her first championship ribbon in a breed pleasure class, and afterwards instead of basking in the delight of what she had finally accomplished with her horse, she went on and on about how it didn't really count because "there was only one other horse in the class".  Big deal how many horses were in the class!  To my eyes, she still accomplished a major goal including overcoming her anxiety enough to beat even just one other horse in the ring.  I distinctly remember telling her, "Enjoy it because you never know when the next ribbon or championship will come".  That has ALWAYS been my mantra with horses.  Enjoy every moment, every win, every success but you just don't know.  Even if you are the only horse/rider in the ring, at least you trained beforehand, showed up, and did it.

Of course, in typical head case fashion, instead of taking this as a gentle wake-up call to STFU and enjoy her moment, she took at as me saying that her horse would never win another ribbon or championship.  OMFG..................that is NOT AT ALL what I meant.  But that doesn't matter because even if you try to explain yourself, some types of people will never understand.  They only hear criticism, because that is all they tell themselves anyway.

headdesk

So needless to say, this person is no longer a friend (because who the heck needs "FRIENDS" like that, anyway??? LOL).  It even went so far as her husband immediately unfriending me on Facebook and all types of silly drama.  Okie dokie, crazy people.  I finally just stopped attending the same shows (honestly because of a two year hiatus from showing anyway, but I did not go back to those shows this year either), and I made a conscious effort to not put effort into that type of person.  I unfriended her in real life and online because I just didn't have it in me to deal with a head case.  Just no.

I get it.  I really do.  I understand we all want to BE THE BEST and WIN ALL THE THINGS.  It makes us feel worthy and accomplished and all that.  And yes, sometimes we do win all the things.  But sometimes we don't.  But in the meantime, WHO CARES?  I only look down on others if they are a head case nut job (or mistreat their horses), not if they win or lose or whatever.  If someone is truly trying, training their horse correctly, and doing their best, GREAT!  This is supposed to be fun, this horse show thing is supposed to be about the relationship and training with our horses, not about the ribbons.  Look, Snappy won a shit ton of ribbons and awards in 2016, but we may never win a first place or championship in 2017...or ever again!  

Who knows!  

Who cares!  

I will just keep trying my best and enjoying every accomplishment, whether that is another win or just surviving our first canter dressage test (gulp...haha...nah, not nervous or anything).  

And truly, I think THAT is why I do well sometimes.  Not because I take shortcuts in training, not because I have a fancy horse, not because I have a trainer who rides my horse for me, not because I am some professional rider (NONE of the above are remotely true actually!).  I think I do well because I have a healthy self esteem and attitude about competing, success, lack of success, and reality.  

2 comments:

KateRose said...

Oh my goodness, I know I few people like that and I can't stand people who constantly put themselves down (I would agree it's a compliment dig).

I used to think showing was such a big deal (because I hadn't been able to for so long). But honestly after surviving some big scary real life things... I feel like... it's just a horse show and it's supposed to be fun. We are so lucky to have horses to enjoy and do things with, it shouldn't be taken for granted :)

Sounds like she was a good one to remove from your life! Those types of people just drain all my energy.

Wilbur, Ellie, and Emily said...

Oh shows- what a head game! I can be guilty of the pre show nerves (omg I might barf) and love my friends for their chorus of "you'll do greats!"
But I agree with you- at the end of the day it's not about the winning but about making improvements show after show!